Recently, despite my sister being double vaccinated she tested positive for covid-19 (she’s fine and has since tested negative). However, that meant 10 day of self isolating for the whole family. Honestly, the idea being fully locked in my childhood home without even the occasional trip to the shop was overwhelming. I love my family but we have our issues and recently we’d been fighting more than ever. I’d been taking on overtime at work and getting off my bus at the earlier stop just to avoid being at home. Then suddenly I’m forced to be locked in the very place I didn’t want to really be.
I was angry at first and low-key pissed at my sister for getting it, on reflection what kind of logic is that? It’s not in anyway her fault. I allowed all my emotions to take control of me without pausing and trying to objectively view a very stressful situation. Yes, I’ll be loosing earnings and missing out on working in a new job I am really enjoying and of course there was all extra cleaning around the house and the stress of trying not to get sick. However, it forced me to confront the very thing I was trying to escape; my less than perfect home life.
I like to believe that sometimes things happen to teach us things. I simply couldn’t continue my cycle of constantly arguing with my mum, dad and sister. I couldn’t keep using work as an escape, it simply isn’t healthy. I had to create peace in my home environment. So I meditated, journaled and tried my best to approach situations a bit more kindly than I was doing.
I can’t lie on day 3 I had a terrible argument with my sister and I ended up crying in my bed but after the drama we made up. We communicated and understood each other better. Things are not always easily in families, especially after being stuck at home for so long but you can’t avoid conflict. I am learning that whenever you approach any situation with anger or frustration you never get a positive outcome.
I’ve struggled with outbursts and snapping at people in the past, I always thought it was the other persons fault for not acting in the way I want them too. Now I have learnt that people don’t owe you anything, not even kindness. I am learning to recognise when I’m angry. Trying to pause, feel the sensations of anger, observe my thoughts. Respond, rather than react. It’s hard and I don’t always get it right. In those times I forgive myself and commit to keep trying. Maybe this self-isolation was just what I needed; a chance to be with my family and spend time with them. To heal our relationships with each other and work better together.
This is how it is for now. Only 5 days left to go…
Thanks for reading and wishing you all the best. Try to be kind to yourself, we’ve all been so deeply effected by this pandemic probably in so many more ways that we even realise.